I took the chill pill

red_pill_blue_pill-copy3

 

The old man looked at me as if my decision carried with it the weight of humanity’s future itself. Well… I sighed, the time has come; the red pill will conscript me to a life of getting back to what’s true and real despite the hardships and battles, while the blue, although too a lie will not expose me to the fear of having to live my own life, make my own decisions… risking failure… then later finding out I was played like a Nintendo…

Pretty serious stuff, huh? I grimaced.

His unblinking, deep set eyes locked in on my non-committal blank stare, eyes adjusted just off his left shoulder so that ours would not meet, and perhaps keep him from ascertaining my positively elusive choice… the reality being that after all was said and done, I really couldn’t give a fuck. No, not one flying fuck. Make it, not two flying rat fucks did I give. There.

He held out his fists and opened them slowly… do you want the red pill, or the blue pill?

I chose.

Peace out, dude.

_______________________________________

There it was, the admission that had been bubbling up in my subconscience for a few sleepless years now. The white flag, the surrender, the so fucking what either way… in a perfect Hillary Clinton parlance of, “they’re all dead,  what difference does it make?”

Yeah, I had stooped as low as the most vile individual I could imagine, the enigmatic definition of sub-human in-authenticity that many Americans had grown to revile. But, unlike her can’t shake the self-hate, it’s not my fault… I just didn’t give a fuck. Anymore. None. In fact, when he asked, I said to him while selecting the pill:

“You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.”

For the last three years I had watched and studied, researched and learned, listened and read all things American politics and culture for the first time in my life. I was pretty well read in most other academic subjects, but had never been interested in politics or law. For awhile I cared as much as I once had when a major sporting outcome held sway over my attention. Or gaining expertise in some hobby or business. Back then I would learned as much as possible, until I felt could argue and win either side of a chosen subject.

But this, slimy politics just disgusted me. I was unwilling to believe there were parasites who could look in the mirror with good conscience and lie to themselves with impunity. I was surprised at how easy they do it. And how many they are.

Heads I win, tails you lose.

Mostly, I had become angry and disappointed with the media and the garbage profession it had become. After all, I once held the fourth estate in my highest esteem (as a college J-school graduate to boot); but now it was a fraudulent propaganda machine, a tool, carrying water for power cheats in an oligarchical monopoly game of organized crime. To exist in the media, one was forced to sell their soul to the god of money, catering to the filth of corrupted power. Frauds who know they’re frauds are the worst kind.

I was especially angry at how they lied and covered up atrocious false and fake events, passing them off for factual news, but actually were orchestrated like hollywood b-movies, complete with bad actors (acting for the bad actors who staged the affairs), mass murder moulage trailers and makeup artists, field directors, extras, special effects… all the world WAS a stage.

Fake blood. Fake news. Fake boobs. Fake smiles. Fake concern. Even fake lies.

But I was really angry at the idiots and imbeciles dumb enough to fall for the all-too-easy-to-spot buffoonery, who then ridiculed those of us in the know… now vilified as “conspiracy theorists”. Lunatics like me who thought everything had a hidden hand behind it for all sorts of nefarious purposes. Us crazies.

But, I knew that it was the Ivy league trust fund babies, workaholic strivers, big hitter wanna-bees, and dumbed down dupes who were just misinformed. Smug pricks. I had been one too.

Unfortunately, I had learned my lessons the hard way a few years before when everything I knew to be true, all I had worked for and achieved, most of what I held dear… was taken from me. At least the largesse that I hadn’t yet squandered.

The mind controlled regular folks were… well, simply fucking nutbags. They hadn’t a clue what I knew/KNOW as an undeniable fact. It IS all a BIG LIE and they couldn’t help buying it, believing it, living it, telling it. There’s really no way back… safely.

I didn’t even try after several beat-downs that only make sense in dark alleyways. I realized I was beginning to hate the wrong individuals. It’s all of us.

Like a raw oyster lies on it’s half-shell, the best educated and well heeled bought and swallowed the sliders raw and slimy, chased with mind-numbing pints of slog. I could only assume it was because they had over-estimated their own smug intelligence and station, and only now could NOT FATHOM how or why the world they thought they understood refused to be the oyster it appeared to be. The pearls were all gone.

And where the fuck was Uber?

I mean, who would do that? They bought their reality from the smiling look-alikes, the cable company and the corporate whores, and (now) us hoi-poi who paid them and mowed their pretty lawns each week. It didn’t pay to question any other scenario or try something new. Stay in the moment.

————————————————————-

Even so, once the truth or even a snippet of it was known it was impossible for some of us to look the other way. We needed to understand the why once we became skilled at the when, where, and how. It was all-too-predictable, but no matter how simple it was to see… the more pushback and derision it seemed that spewed from the believers. History had a stake in the big lie, and my destiny was to pay the tab and the tip.

There was illusion, delusion, confusion, and dis-information all mixed up resonating in a cocktail of cold echo chambers; a heady concoction of confirmation bias and denial. Peppered by the latest meme.

Passion for truth kept many of us going… until finally, I thought about it long and hard. Politicians acted like politicians, the government marched toward cannibalistic totalitarianism where everyone not government worked for an NGO. We/it was devouring itself.

Painful people continued to accept their pitiful lot while bitching a pitifully lot about their pain. Kids stared at phones and lived inside their video games. Friends drifted into Social media as if in person was a punishment of sorts. Who you gonna call?

It was apparent that the world had become too complicated to care about tomorrow, too rushed to sweat the small stuff… which got bigger by the year. No turning back it seemed.

It is what it is.

———————————————————————————-

And so… getting on in age… not to mention physically dying, the passion began to fade. Literally. I gathered the few things I had left. There were only a couple of momentos that even mattered. Or did they? A little dignity, a sharpish brain, and a beautiful son and a family of saints was all that was left. You oughta’ know, in the end that’s all that there ever is for us, all there ever will be…

God is optional.

I looked the old man square in his black abysmal eyes, and a slight grin crossed my lips. I slapped his face hard, reached in his front pocket… grabbed, and swallowed his chill pill.

chillpill

I mean… what difference could it really make?

 

-30-

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