malware alert: Girlfriend 1.0 must READ

To all my guy friends (NO, to all men… and women with a good sense of humor….well, themselves)… important that you read about this invasive Malware. Wish I had written the kernel to the code, because it is NOT open source and VERYdangerous to your future decisions.

Full Disclosure: (not plagiarized, but admittedly the idea and some portions of it are borrowed (from FridayFun.com)… then freely enhanced by mostdiggity). Thanks to Friday_Fun.com FUNNY!

girlfriend1pointoh

RE: Girlfriend 1.0

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Buddies 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. It was amazingly User friendly. However, thereare recently some apparent conflicts between these two products, and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the incessant droning and suggestion sounds turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Boys Night Out 3.1, UK Basketball 1&D, and Brazzers 6.9, yet it does come with some extremely titillating but sometime embarrassing inadvertent pop-ups if at work; but when at home it handles them seamlessly and professionally.

Successive releases and new versions of Girlfriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapher 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, auto-dialed 911 in the background and cost me a night in jail, forcing me to shut it down completely for several weeks and re-install STDStopper.period.

I got a strange note from one Ed Snowden (I assume one of your techies?) suggesting that I disable my camera/microphone immediately so the police could not monitor my “unusual disruptive”program tweeks. He said Slapher 2.1 is copy protected by NSA, and illegal for home use? CIA and FBI and other Government security employees may use it freely.

Eventually, I tried to install and run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 simultaneously, only to discover that when these two incompatible systems detected one another, they caused severe damage to my hardware and two VERY important accessories with a warning that… next time it will disable my Dongle. Weird, as these two are analog, and not connected to my computer? Hidden something like Bluetooth, they referred to as “Bitetooth”‘?

So, worried I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with Some Free Sex Plus and Clean House 2016ifURlucky. Shortly after this upgrade however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run, sometimes crashing before dinner without a backup while it somehow hijacked my credit card numbers and linked them to some high end Retail dotcoms.

Innocent mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0’s memory/video/credit card and could not be deleted or disabled. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer, and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch Turbo Stop and C-yaNcourt/toast.com.

These latter products have no Help files but a number of WARNING pop-ups (about hiding assets?), and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every sixth week. In fact, all of my files now have the unalterable extension of .ICU?

Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Porsche 911 or Mercedes Estate hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating audio pop-up called Mother In Law, which can’t be turned off.

Recently I’ve been tempted to install Mistress 2014, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2014, it tends to delete all of MyMoney.ICU before uninstalling itself.

At least there’s the comforting message that says, “Good Luck” call 800- Lawyerup before the uninstall. And so…. that’s why I’m calling.

Please advise ASAP Technical Support urgently required.

p.s. This program is extremely user friendly, but tends to hijack my Bitcoin and PayPal accounts and create endless Retail.com accounts using my personally identifiable information and PIN# to robo-shop at high end womens websites. Any attempt to end session results in a free porn site link which is hyperlinked and creates several unseemly unalterable pop-ups. And hey, I’m at work, where I don’t mind going, but it’s the eight hour wait until 5:00 I’m getting pretty tired of… which is why I installed Girlfriend in the first place.

Have I goofed something up?

Concerned and Confused

Tech Support:

Dear Concerned:

Hi! My name is Swindy.

I am sorryNOT you are unhappy with your product. Here at Swindlebabe we are always interested to hear from our customers. The answer to your issues can be summarize by the following graphic image. Please refer to it first before using the 800 help line. Thanks, SBS

girlfinger

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