My Culinary Advice for fine dining…

Of course, we’ve all heard the saying, “always serve revenge cold.” Well, I decided to add a few tasty culinary sayings to that time-tested advice… Chow!

• Serve platonic love at moderate temperatures and in large helpings.
 
• Serve undying love steaming Hot, and always as the main course.
 
• In either case, admiration is a nice apertivo before having raw sex for dessert.
 
• Most men won’t eat quiche, but they all hate the taste of touche’.
 
• Success is too pungent when served with arrogance, but you can always use grace as a palette cleanser.
 
• Better, you can serve grace between each course; it will squelch the nasty aftertaste of envy.
 
• Never serve God at civic ceremonies, unless it is served as “mammon”.
 
• Diversity makes for a lively salad, but cold stereotypes will kill the rich flavors that delight without discriminating.
 
• Thoughtful advice should always be tenderized.
 
• Deep fry pomposity before lambasting.
 
• Hautiness always goes in the Crock-Pot.
 
• Excellence makes for the perfect gravy, but be sure not to lay it on too thick.
 
• You must grill suspicion, but hold the barbequing until you’re certain it’s edible.
 
• Marinate meathead until its soft and mushy; to be sure to lighten any bitter taste of testosterone.
 
• Serve chocolate Beefcake at gay birthday parties, or ladies night out coffee shop gatherings.
 
• Women like tubesteak served between two fresh buns.
 
• Never eat at the Y during a full moon cycle.

• Boiling and searing meanness only makes it harder to swallow.
 
• A good roast should always be dashed with wit, sarcasm, and biting humor.
 
• Deep freeze bigotry and never let it thaw.

and, cooking the books may look good, but it can be poisonous when left uncovered too long, and should never be served to loyal investors who only wanted a small taste of the proverbial pie.

Advertisements