Money Talks…and Bullshit…well

when love doesn't quite say it loud enough

when love doesn’t quite say it loud enough

October 26, 2010

Dear Linda Brace and all those claiming to be of Linda Brace’s family lineage, either named or unnamed:

Greetings and Salutations!

I believe you recently petitioned the court for “grandparent” visitation and some of your family members took it upon themselves to report my “negligence” as a parent to the department of children and families. Fair enough, the courts can decide the visitation issue while I must answer to the system about my parenting choices and skills, etc.

I suppose that for some people, letting big brother dictate to them how to act is more comforting than the fearful thought of their making their own life decisions; but to folks like me that seems a tad fatalistic. I guess that there are even “HATERS” who hate everyone including themselves so much that they fail to comport themselves in a reasonable fashion…either way it’s loser-lose.

Confident as I am in myself, personally I was and am offended by these rude allegations and their attached consequential implications. Just for the record though, I am a man of integrity who does not take lightly his duties as a father and provider for two wonderful little men; Dylan van horn and Jayden Henderson.

For any of you to suggest otherwise shows how pitiful it must be to go unloved and not recognize love’s evidentry colors, as in, “i want to go home to my daddy”. Shame on you!

Though financially I have seen brighter days and even had much sunnier outlooks, I cannot fathom a luckier individual tasked with matters more important or more enjoyable than these. Even a simpleton like myself can see the wisdom in these guys (duh, Dylan and Jayden) having a wider net when it comes to family and loved ones. No need to remind me though that your net can hold only one of them.

I think maybe it’s a telling indictment on your own measure of what it means to be a family. Maybe think of the casualties involved (and do your own math) before firing blindly into crowds of innocent people. The ones you hurt may just be your own flesh and blood, lest I mention that you might not even prevail in your own-self-serving-dog-eat-dog-family-secret-drama-rat race, huh? Anybody?

Sadly this is written on the anniversary of Kimberly’s death, a sad day for us all I’m sure. In case you are keeping score at home, the date of this letter and that unfortunate anniversary are but a mere coincidence, albeit a timely one:

This letter is to ask for your contribution in dollars towards Dylan’s upcoming dental work, which is no small matter as you know. And since everyone understands better than me how important dental care is to a growing child like Dylan, you likely won’t be surprised either at the high cost of treatment these days.

Now if you want to use this information for some cynical “i-told-you-so” or some other dubious project of your own devise, first know that I readily take the blame for Dylan’s dental predicament and honestly wish it weren’t so… yet, here we are… still…

Go ahead…You can beat me, lambast me, and stick pins in a doll with my resemblance, and yet you will not have furthered your or his situation by doing so; of this I can promise you.

So, Lisa… you and your almighty wisdom with your army of insults and your intimate knowledge of all things righteous and good… yes, you with your over-the-top-self righteous idiocy (oowh… how’s my spelling?), please, please… now is your time to man-up… hold over my conscience that you put your money where your mouth is… give to Dylan’s dentistry like a man-uh, woman possessed! I’ll gladly eat those delicious words!

My stomach though is already beginning to growl with it’s own sad forethought of the infinitely long odds…

Hey, I know it’s a bad time to ask for money, and times are tough out there I hear. Look at this as your opportunity to shine for Dylan as a meaningful positive force in his young life. Show us and him that you not only talk-the-talk, but you do indeed, walk-the-walk. We will all be eternally grateful for this, I’m sure.

But, in case you cannot contribute to this worthy cause… do not despair. We understand and will all still love you just the same… again, I’m sure. I ask only that you respond to this letter with your intentions…

with regards,
one of your favorite baby-daddys in-lawsish (I’m sooo sure),

ATM (as in adams, thomas mario)

p.s. So ya know, dylan and I made our visit with kimberly’s gravesite today. It was touching and important to him that he not forget her matronly familial love he once held grasp… if only for a moment. He promised her that he would grow to be a fine person and a simple man… I for one am holding him to it.

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2 thoughts on “Money Talks…and Bullshit…well

  1. Thom,
    That is so well put! You personally know the challenges I faced having a child with someone thats family played that vengeful game with me in regards to my parenting skills. What they ALL seem to forget and purposely overlook is the child’s happiness!,I lost many a day eventually years with my beautiful because of money. Over the years yes this have gotten better but the cost of time lost is much greater.
    Don’t ever give up in your beliefs and convictions because they make you, you! And you are the man your son first layed eyes on and fell in love with and who he calls DAD! You are also the man that will guide him to be fine person and a wonderful father one day as well. Never question your decisions as a father for if they are made from a loving heart they are Never wrong!
    You are doing an amazing job raising 2 young men. For those that judge others aren’t paying attention to there own issues. Like the old saying,”don’t go pointing fingers until you’ve cleaned your own backyard!” There is no handbook for parenting,I know you trust in yourself, so believe so ARE A GREAT DADDY!
    Lots of love from far away!
    Kt

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    • Thanks for the vote of confidence Kate.

      Every kind word makes it all the more worthwhile to try my damndest to be that great dad we all yearn for. So far as I can tell, my two guys are happy little munchkins and are both growing into their individual selves with a tad of wise ole dad’s wisdom of the day talk-abouts. Stefanie gives them a stable and caring motherly love, making our arrangement a win-win for both families, now assimilating as one.

      Both Dylan and Jayden were honored this year at their Elementary School as “Student of the Week”. Not bad for a school of 700 yard apes. Daddying is not easy every single moment as you well know as a Mom… but at the end of the day, it’s a beautiful gift that I try to cherish moment-to-moment, at least while theyre young enough to listen to what I have to say.

      ts funny, but my “poison pen letter” above (that I’m happy to provide with agile wit, biting sarcasm, and ironic insults to those whom I feel need one) may have had some positive effect. The Brace’s have begun to embrace the idea that I ain’t such a bad Joe after-all, and have acted more humane toward both our guys, and me and Stef.

      As for your story, I know that I witnessed a painful time in a loving Mothers life that should never happen to anyone. It seems ironic that i had to fight and win a custody battle against a Mother, but that’s where our stories similarities end. You faced a mean, vindictive, punitive individual who thought he should play God and send you to hell (by keeping your daughter away from you).

      I paid dearly to gain custody of Dylan but I also continued to promise Kimberly that I would never (really) take him away from her despite what the Courts had to say about it. I felt i had to win the legal battle to control their continuous abuse of my rights as a Father. I assured her that a child having two parents was what I was fighting for, so it would be hypocritical for me to not allow her 50% visitation.

      She began spending all day at my house and our relationship regained some of its previous footing. Unfortunately, her mental state was eroding and she began having terrible delusions of people wanting to kill us, etc. The medication she was receiving seemed to make things worse, but we still remained amicable until her dying day. On one of her last days alive, she said to me, “you know something? I think you are going to be a great dad.”

      Sadly, I only later remembered that statement as a prophetic telling me goodbye and to take good care of our son. I vowed to never, ever let my son forget what a loving Mother she was and he still remembers her to this day. We visit her grave regularly, and I promise her I will be that dad she wanted me to be.

      Thanks again for the kind words…

      always yours,

      TA

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